Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thirty four years ago today..........


Thirty four years ago today I was 15.
Thirty four years ago today my Mom died.
She was 45.
I thought forty five was 'ancient' in kid years.
I'm 49 and know fully well 45 is not old and
15 is way too young.
Some things hurt no matter how long ago they happen to you.
This is one of those hurts.

In the years after my Moms death, there were times I missed her more than other times.
When I was sick -I missed her more then.
When I was feeling lost and alone.
When I lost a cat. I cried for all my losses, old and new.
She was a wonderfully loving Mom who gave great hugs and let my brother and I know we were loved
and accepted no matter what. She encouraged us to be in life what we wanted to be, not what she hoped or
dreamed we'd be.
She let us be ourselves.
Not every parent allows this of their children.
There were no shadows or shoes to fill.
I think the longest walk my brother and I made was away from her grave site.
It felt like a million miles through the wet grass.

Her life was cut short of seeing who my brother and I turned out to be.
My brother became an attorney, is married to a wonderful woman and has a teenage son.
I became an artist. Married the love of my life and make art.
We became who we wanted to be thanks to her love and support.

So here I am today. Missing her.
I have a nasty cold and seem to miss her more today.
Some things never change.
Love you Mom. I think you'd be proud of us!
We became ourselves.

Pat
xo

8 comments:

esque said...

It's never easy losing someone at any age, but it helps to remember them as they were. Hope you're feeling better soon.

[inkihandmade.blogspot.com]

Christie Cottage said...

As tears are welled in my eyes, a lump in my throat, I want to send you a hug.

I am sorry you hurt.

{{hugs}}

Karen said...

Thank you for sharing this personal post. Two weeks ago was the 2 year anniversary of my dad's premature death. I miss him everyday but I know he'll always be a part of me. I understand your pain and hope you feel better soon. All the best to you on this day!

KeriAnne said...

I'm sure she would be proud of you and your beautiful work! Here's to all the moms who let their kids be who they are.

Prayers4Theresa said...

Thank you for sharing this lovely dedication.

Bonnie Blandford said...

I didn't know today was the day. I'm so sorry...

Bonnie

Gifted Designs said...

This is one of the most beautiful dedications I've ever read.

I'm sitting here tearing up. Thank you so much for sharing because it's a beautiful way to remember something so tragic.

*hugs* even though we don't know each other.

Angela Catirina & Bonnie said...

This made me cry but in a good way. It is lovely to be loved, if even from another time and place.