Showing posts with label loretta Ambrose Swearingen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loretta Ambrose Swearingen. Show all posts

Friday, October 29, 2010

Dia de los Muertos Altar for my Parents


Many trips to the desert southwest have helped me embrace the quiet culture and deep spirituality that is reflected in the celebration of Dia de las Muertos. A respect and celebration for the lives of loved ones past. It is felt, that on this day, the spirit of the deceased comes back to visit. Graves are decorated with flowers and food and there's a solemn joy that fills those that believe. This being the Catholic equivalent of the Feast of All Souls.

My Father died this past April. It was at sunrise on Easter morning that he left this earth. My father and I had a kindred love of Easter. When my Mom was dying he and I took part in a special yearly event at our church. He was a member of the Knights of Columbus, a Catholic organization replicating Christs' Apostles. Each member of this council agreed to one hour that they would pray in church during the 24 hours leading up to Easter morning. I asked if I could go with him. I was 15 at the time and I asked him to pick an hour it would be most difficult to stay awake, to make the practice more resemble what the Apostles did. We picked a very late hour and walked over to our church which was in our neighborhood. The cool quiet woke us and the silent meditation infused us both with what we knew lay ahead. It was later that year that my Mother lost her battle with breast cancer.

That Easter,for that one hour, was ours.
Ours in quiet contemplation.
For my Dad to die on this same day, 35 years later seems part of a long cast puzzle slowly unfolded.


I recreated this Day of the Dead altar from one I made a few years ago for my Mother. This year, after a long earthy divide, they are reunited. Surrounding the altar are love letters my Father wrote to my Mom while he was in the Marine Corp. Each on Marine Corp stationary, embossed with the Marine logo and ink pen he wrote daily. The written word kept them together.



No phone or faxes. No facebook, text messages or e-mail. I trimmed the edges to resemble the papel picado flags that are used in these types of celebrations.
On the altar I placed a photo of them on their wedding day, with a wood cut cherub floating above them. This is a Valentine for them.
Memories of my Father and his life at the Sheriffs Department mark the years he and my Mom were 'apart'.



On the day my Father's life was celebrated at his small Georgia church, a pair of large birds hung in air currents and glided past the floor to ceiling church windows. In the months that have passed, I have been comforted by the vision of birds overhead.
His soul is at rest and he is with my Mother and the angels overhead.


Rest in Peace Mom & Dad

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thirty four years ago today..........


Thirty four years ago today I was 15.
Thirty four years ago today my Mom died.
She was 45.
I thought forty five was 'ancient' in kid years.
I'm 49 and know fully well 45 is not old and
15 is way too young.
Some things hurt no matter how long ago they happen to you.
This is one of those hurts.

In the years after my Moms death, there were times I missed her more than other times.
When I was sick -I missed her more then.
When I was feeling lost and alone.
When I lost a cat. I cried for all my losses, old and new.
She was a wonderfully loving Mom who gave great hugs and let my brother and I know we were loved
and accepted no matter what. She encouraged us to be in life what we wanted to be, not what she hoped or
dreamed we'd be.
She let us be ourselves.
Not every parent allows this of their children.
There were no shadows or shoes to fill.
I think the longest walk my brother and I made was away from her grave site.
It felt like a million miles through the wet grass.

Her life was cut short of seeing who my brother and I turned out to be.
My brother became an attorney, is married to a wonderful woman and has a teenage son.
I became an artist. Married the love of my life and make art.
We became who we wanted to be thanks to her love and support.

So here I am today. Missing her.
I have a nasty cold and seem to miss her more today.
Some things never change.
Love you Mom. I think you'd be proud of us!
We became ourselves.

Pat
xo

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Word 'Mom'


Conjures up memories..
of warmth,
daily hugs
safety
passion
fun
creativity
specialness
being loved
feeling whole
understood
accepted.

Missing her brings up
loss
tears
sadness
emptiness
being 15 again
losing a part of me
wondering what she would be like now
if still alive
if well and whole.

So there are days..
when I think of my amazing Mom
and feel like
I'm 15 again
fragile
partial
missing something
ever so blessed I had her for
the 15 years I did.

I love you Mom!
Happy Mothers Day!

Love,
Pat

Friday, September 12, 2008

♥ I love you Mom! ♥


Thirty three years ago this morning my Mom lost her battle with cancer. It was before mamograms. She was 45. She found her cancer early and it was already a Stage 4. She had two radical mastectomies and yet it spread. She fought the good fight wanting to live long enough to see my brother and I graduate from high school. As it turned out she died one week into my brothers senior year and my sophmore year.
I was 15 and he was 17.
I used to think 45 was ancient. It's not. When I reached the age she was when she died, it was a turning point in my own life. I'm 48 now and celebrate every year I'm alive. I will never be one of those intolerant women who begrude having a birthday since it means they're a year older. To complain about age is a waste of time and energy. It should be a celebration!
They should be so lucky!

So, when this happens you grow up fast and make your own life early on. This is what my brother and I did. I guess we still are. I feel she would be proud of the lives we have made for ourselves and the people we share them with.
I feel her presence and her absence every day.
Does it get easier? I'm not sure. I'll let you know that when I figure it out myself.

Continue your self-exams and be dilligent.
But also, love every day you have, life is shorter than we think.
♥
Patricia